Monday, February 04, 2013

Hilariously Stupid Spam from the FBI [sic]

It's been a while since I've got any spam email is crazy and stupid as this one. This particular missive landed (correctly) in my gmail spam folder just the other day. I am quoting it as-is.
Federal bureau of investigation
Field Intelligence Unit
J. Edgar Hoover building
935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW Washington, DC.

I am special agent John Edward from the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) Field Intelligence Unit, we have just intercepted and confiscated two (2) trunk boxes at John F Kennedy airport in New York, and are on the verge of moving it to our bureau headquarter.

We crosschecked the content of the boxes and found it to contains millions of dallars and also backup documents which bears your name as the receiver of the money contained in the boxes, investigations carried out on the diplomat which accompanied the boxes into the united states has it that he was to deliver this funds to your residence as payment which was due you from unpaid contract, inheritance, lotto, loan, etc.

We cross-checked all legal documentations in the boxes, and were about to release the consignment to the diplomat, when we found out that the boxes is lacking two very important documentation which as a result, the boxes has been confiscated and kept in our security vault.

According to section 229 subsection 31 of the 1991 constitution, your consignment lacks proof of OWNERSHIP CERTIFICATE AND LEGAL DELIVERY PERMIT CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE from the joint team of the Federal Bureau Of Investigation and homeland security and therefore you must contact us for direction on how to procure the two certificates, so that you can be relieved of the charges of evading tax which is a punishable offense under section 12 subsection 441 of constitution on tax evasion.

You are therefore required to get back to me on this email {fbifbi920@yahoo.com} within 72hours, so that i will guide you on how to get the needed documents. Failure to comply with our directive may lead you into problem; you may be arrested, interrogated and prosecuted in the court of law for money laundering.

We may also get the Financial Action Task Force (FATF) on money laundering involved if you do not follow our instructions. You are also advised not to get in contact with any bank in Africa, Europe or any other institution, as your funds is here now in the United States of America and can be delivered to any country of your choice once you secure those required documents.

Yours in service
Agent John Edward
Regional director
Federal Bureau of Investigation
E-mail:fbifbi920@yahoo.com
Priceless. Absolutely. Priceless.

They say these emails go out because some of them, a very few of them, are successful at hooking hapless marks. I can't believe anybody would read something like this and actually fall for it. Of all the outrageous claims and misspellings that pepper this email, the one that really had me rolling on the floor was the reference to the 1991 constitution. I guess if you live in a third world country you might be used to a constitution that young, of having it re-written every time a revolution topples an existing government. Fortunately for the U.S. that doesn't happen here (although it does get a bit crazy around here every four years or so). As a public service announcement to the folks who dream these scams up, here's a small fact for future versions of your scam email: the U.S. Constitution was ratified 21 June 1788. You can real all about it here on Wikipedia.